Lazy is always bad...a truism that's wrong in your belief system

Anna is lazy. Lazy is always bad. So Anna is bad. But wait...what makes lazy automatically BAD? Aren't there appropriate times to be lazy? A lazy afternoon? A lazy bath before bedtime? A lazy cuddle with Gita Sweetah? When you are sick? Or being pampered? A special occasion? When you deserve it? When you're worth it? oooo we're getting to the other edge here.

That slimy slope between indulgence and necessary healing time.

But it wouldn't matter to you because lazy is ALWAYS bad. ALWAYS no exceptions. NONE. A WOMAN's WORK is NEVER DONE. that is why you are so good in emergencies. Someone has to do it. When no one else can do it someone has to do it and you, Anna, have been trained to make that ultimate sacrifice for the good of the clan if necessary; PAST LIFE?? It fits. It also fits with everything in my current life. So who knows?

If you can allow yourself to relax when it's appropriate to relax, you could release that stress that's got you hamstrung hogtied uptight fibromyalgiafied boxed in cemented down sat upon with little gremlins running mad whapping your knee now your elbow your shoulder your hip your arm your wrist your left middle toe your back with nasty old hammers just one meaningless pain after another for no reason just zap zap zap no pattern no connection then run around and do it all over again.

Sorry. I try not to talk about the PAIN except with the few who "get it". I don't want sympathy. I do want you to understand I'm going through a much bigger struggle just to get out the door every day and try to be kind when I'm a few minutes late or I can't make a date or appointment.

For myself, becoming such a mess has made me far more forgiving of other's faux pas than I was when I was younger and cooler. Although young people seem to like me today and that makes me happy. Makes me feel "cool." Which reminds me, I owe my niece a phone call, and of course I think of it after midnight. She's in law school and so has regular hours, although she's getting antsy with the routine and tedium--the discipline of stuffy old law school after being a star and one of the few girls in a cutting edge hot-shot limited-admission computer undergrad degree track at Penn State U.

Sorry. Bragging about my godchild. Very not cool.

There's something about a wounded healer that allows me to trust them. The vulnerability. The smart teacher knows me, knows I can only truly open my heart to someone who needs me, so in order to get me to open my heart, they must allow me to see real pain, allow me to cross ethical boundaries into their lives and actually help them. Play-acting won't do. I'm too good a fiction writer myself. It's all too much a stage to pull out this bit of life and say "this is special because it's on stage." It's all on stage, dummy. Shakespeare knew that. Which is why we still read him today. Not because he created our reality. But because he nailed it. Bam.

For the first time. All cliches (generally) run back to the Bard. Who stole like a mad thing from history and the classics. Gods bless him.

Equal and Opposite Force

Best compliment I ever gave myself: After a very emo day, dag end of months of emo days, I looked at myself straight on in the mirror and said, "If I have to be stuck in anyone's head for the rest of my life, I'm glad it's yours...ours...mine." And then I cracked up laughing.

For all the crying that goes with inner child/PTSD work there's an equal and opposite force for the laughing at it all...

The comedy and the tragedy...

Is the glass half full or half empty?

It is both.